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Chaplin can chill. Selleck can simmer down, and The Most Interesting Man in the World needn’t moveth over. After a clandestine, and often scratchy, two week trial the results are in. I, Michael Fred, can not pull off facial hair. Humbly — and clean shaven — I present the photographic evidence:
55 year old trucker #1: “Boy my aunt and uncle could really jitterbug in their day.”
60 year old trucker #2: “Yeah.”
55 year old trucker #1: “Heck yeah. They’d glide across that floor like a bowlin’ ball on a freshly slicked lane.”
60 year old trucker #2: “I like ’em slick.”
55 year old trucker #1: “You know who could really get on on a dance floor?”
60 year old trucker #2: “No.”
55 year old trucker #1: “That Patrick Swayze.”
60 year old Trucker #2 (clueless): “You don’t say.”
55 year old Trucker #1: “If I had it to do all over again I would have taken some of them dancin’ lessons.”
60 year old Trucker #2 chews up the awkwardness with the longest bite of burger ever.
55 year old Trucker #1: “You’ve seen Dirty Dancing. The ladies love a man that can move.”
60 year old Trucker #2 says nothing and keeps eating.